Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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