lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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