my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
