There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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