I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Blow job season was short but glorious.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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