My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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