I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
