I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
