matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
