they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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