Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
