its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
