So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
