so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
