Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
