Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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