Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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