What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
