Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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