Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
