My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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