every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
