Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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