SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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