he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
