at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
