Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
