My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
