i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
