he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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