Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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