Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
