So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
