Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
