sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
