Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
