Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
