i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
