even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
