Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
