I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
