I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
