**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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