He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
