My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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