I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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