I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
