My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
