The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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