I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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