What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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