The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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