don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
